Lil Wayne's World

[ugh. I really could not fix how crappy this post looks. sorry.]


I really really love hip hop. Like, LOVE. Almost unconditionally. . . . To me, there isn't that much difference between what this wild little lyricist is saying in this song and how I also feel about my life. That's right! I'm the same as Lil Wayne! hahaha just kidding. Well, maybe. Maybe he wears crocs, loves french fries and medium sized white dogs too. That don't sound too far off. Come on.


Anywho, If your mind is open, you really don't have to look that close to see it.  I've always loved this song. Just found out how good it is read aloud. 

I got ice in my veinsblood in my eyehate in my heartlove in my mindI seen nights full of paindays of the sameyou keep the sunshinesave me the rainI search but never findhurt but never cryi work and forever trybut im cursed so never mineand its worse but better timesseems further and beyondthe top gets higher the more that I climbthe spot gets smaller and I get biggertrying to get in where I fit inno room for a n-gga but soon for a n-gga it be on mutherf-cker causeall this bullsh-t have made me strong, mutherf-cker

So I pick the world up and im a drop it on your f-ckin headyeah, bitch ima pick the World up and I’ma drop it on your f-ckin headyeah, and I can die no rebirth now mutherf-ckerhop up in my spaceship and leave earth motherfuckerI’m gone, mutherf-cker, I’m gone

I know what they dont wanna tell youjust hope your heaven sent and ya hell proofi’ll wake up in the World and cut the lights offand confidence is a stain they cant wipe offuh, my word is my pridebut wisdom is bleak and thats word from the wiseserved to survive, murder and bribeand when it got too heavy i put my burden aside

[Eminem]it hurts but never showits pain youll never knowif only you can see just how lonely and how coldand frostbit i’ve becomemy back’s against the wallwhen push come to shovei just stand up and scream f-ck em allman it feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in,oop its time to raise it thenyour days are numbered like pages and my vocal rhymes got em cookem boythis crooked mind of mine got em all shook and scared to look in my eyes,I stole that f-ckin clock, i took the time and i came up from behindand pretty much snuck up and butt f-cked this game upbetter be careful when you bring my name up f-ck this famethat aint what i came to claim, but the game aint gonna be the sameon the day that i leave itI swear one way or another im gonna make these f-ckin haters believe it ,I swear to God, (?) im a man of my wordso your f-ckin heads better nodim gonna f-ck around in this bitch and roast everybodysleep on me that pillar is where yo head will lie permanetly bitch its betty bye(?)this world is my easter egg getting prepared to die
my head is swollmy confidence is upthis stage is my pedastalim unstoppable the incredible hulkyour trapped in my medicine ballI can run circles around you so fast your f-ckin head will spin dog,Ill split your cabbage and your lettuce and i’ll f-ckin….               

- Lil Wayne, "Drop the World" featuring Eminem

More about being 30. As expected.

How's the birthday week going you ask? I just asked myself this. I started thinking about it and then I remembered that half of the reason I decided to write this blog is so that I could have a place where I'm "forced" to work out my shit. So here goes. Gonna really analyze here. HA!

Found an exciting, new sense of renewal about my life. Just last week, actually. Changed my filter, changed my views - still trying to flush it all out, but hey, 90% is always a good return rate. Found it all through the strong words of friends and my everly optimistic about everything fiance.

Relationships around me moved and shook, boy they did. But they didn't topple and crash off the freakin' table and like my Coffee Bean just did right now. All over the floor, my shoes and the edge of my macbook, in front of everyone. The energy had to go somewhere, I guess. Now I have to tip more, but that's ok.


Also, scored a mostly free day off from work due to a technicality! Also, I'm excited about going to school! Something I thought would never happen. EVER. But this time it's different . . .

Also, just bought some sugar.

Tomorrow should muy mucho funs! I can feel it!

nines

I turn 30 soon. People ask, ofcourse. Do I care about the number? Yes and no, more no. Mmmk, some days it’s a hell yes. What does it mean? It means things. I’m bloggin bout it aren’t I? The number is there. Age is there, time spent. A good amount of time, apparently. I feel 9 yrs old and 90 years old. I feel completely accomplished, also like I failed deeply. I’m glad I can’t see the former more clearly.

It makes me think about life in the bigger picture. Have to, cuz life isn’t all there yet. I need to learn that it won’t be there until noon of the day after my death. I feel 20, but only like a 30 yr old looking back to 20. Are those thoughts even valid though? As always, all is as it should be. Should I sit and make plans . . . cuz it’s a stepping stone? I hope later that I don’t feel like stepping on this year. That it didn’t involve any stones. Nothing hard, not too big that I can’t get around.

You think that even the gods make plans? I’m thinking they get high, on low pressure systems and lightning bolts. I think they dress funky ass shit - flourescent pants and Cosby sweaters. They wear shoes – they need them too. I think they throw darts but they’re just like you and I, sometimes they put down their water bill money but sometimes it’s just a Tuesday afternoon game. Only science brings the dart to the bullseye.

The artist speaks of the river. The river is next.

I love the gym.

I hate the gym.

wednesday

Woke up feeling stuck. Some edges were grimy. Made bad moves and was paying for them. . . .  counting counting counting, holding holding biting biting biting the tip of the pen. Later on, a caramel mocha. Paid for that too . . .

Do these two boys wanna rob me on the Metro? Are you just pretending to look out the window to lean close! I work my ass off to buy my shit. I deal with adult diapers sometimes. You are not going to take the fantastic things I paid for with that money, my money.

Spoke with an Airborne Ranger for three hours about shame and race and what's raw and watched Trainspotting a little bit.

Met a Betty in an old theater. The kind where many things have happened and people have been swung this way and that, emotionally. She thought I could possibly be under 21. 'Hun, I turn 30 next month!' She is 40, looks 25.

Hit the freeway just in time to watch the Disneyland fireworks.

Almost fell in the shower.