I just came home. Despite having a mini computer with my Incredible 2 Droid phone, and ample time for internetting (I take the bus in the mornings), I open my computer and find no less than 10 open internet pages for me to peruse, scan or read very carefully. A typical session at the mighty MacBook begins. This time, I want to inventory how much reading/bullshit I actually read on the internet almost daily. Why? Because it's fun . . .


Lykke Li sent out a note, just speaking to her fans - as an artist, how life is treating her. I'm giving it my full attention when I get home, cuz for some reason my Droid won't respect the alignment of the text in her email and it's coming through all cut off. I put a star on it, and mark it as unread.


TheSuperficial.com - Absolutely hilarious writing. But I tend to just scan it for 3 seconds for the celeb pics, most of which are very incriminating, especially since most of the pics are boring sightings of pseudo celebs going to the Farmer's market . . . Guilty pleasure, yes, of course. Visited daily, almost without fail. Just did the math, every year I spend a minimum of 18 minutes and 25 seconds on this site. Worth it.


Other - Today I read about a lot of downtown LA news, including Skid Row issues, lack of hotel rooms, and a doggy park. All while screaming out more (correct) answers than Lonny, while watching Jeopardy!


3-5 other scattered pages - They are lists of websites of lists of calendars of events of event listings. Mostly free events around LA for the summer. . . . Shakespeare in the park stuff, outdoor movie screenings, concerts in downtown LA. The reasons I live in the city.


LAist - I usually read this throughout the day. One of the best blogs about LA, I think. Well-rounded with news, culture and let's me know exactly what's going on. Also, more of the funny/stupid celebrity crap that I need.


Gmail - Kept pretty clean. Just Groupon and guestlists. Cuz that's what's up.


Facebook - You know what it is.


YouTube - Finally, and this one comes in spurts, I want to go on El Tubo to completely lose myself in music videos and the like. Currently watching Sia, Kina Grannis covers, old Katy Perry coffeehouse acoustic vids, Fun. covers, other covers, and more Sia.


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tv

I've had TV for 2 weeks or so. I find myself putting it on mute even when Lonny goes to take a shower or walk the dog. My relationship with television has continuously changed. I love all the interesting docs, ofcourse. I'll always love cooking shows, and maybe anything else that comes off as mildly instructional. 


But right now, Lisa Ling is KILLING IT with these last two episodes of her documentary show on OWN network. Absolutely making me feel like this box in my apartment is sometimes more worthy than the internet or books (currently found the sequel to 'Waiting to Exhale' at the library! YES!) First there was one about people who are transgendered, including a little boy who always identified himself as a girl. Would draw herself with fairy wings on and high heels. Even changed his name himself. 


Then there was an episode about nuns. It was really well balanced, showed a young girl get absolutely giddy about joining the strict convent. She is allowed to write one letter to people outside the convent a week, and can take only phone messages. Saying goodbye to her mother, she handed over all her jewelry, her credit cards, and sent her last status update on facebook. Another nun is this little librarian looking Irish lady. A part of a new wave of convents that doesn't wear habits and works bringing counseling, housing, food, etc to young runaways in Hollywood. Most of which are transgender, or gay, sometimes kicked out of their homes by their parents and live on the streets. Try to catch this episode, really well done.

Thirty

Looks like they're not there anymore due to a fire. Ugh.

I rarely give money to bums. Today I did though - in a way. He only asked for 45 cents. And we were at the bus stop. Which prolly meant it was just one of those days when he was short and banked on fellow understanding transit riders to help, cuz we all know its a pay it forward kind of thing. I've prolly solicited at lease $1.15 this way, over the course of the last 4 years on transit. I'm savvy, I already ran my homeless/crazy/creeper radar over him before approaching the stop and the risk meter ran quite low. So I gave him just a quarter and just a little conversation. But I didn't want to become involved much more than that.

Mostly, because the conversation was good. My weakness here is that i didn't wanna deal with being disappointed. Talking to strangers and finding real good convo often ends rather disappointingly with a, "so I really need a dollar right now, look at that nice computer phone, you could spare it" ..." or a, "you got any weed??"

I listened as he told me that he'd been looking for work for 6 weeks, and had just interviewed at a steakhouse to wash dishes. I told him my fiancé was having a tough search too and that he was at an interview right now as well, in fact. At one point, he showed me his hands, every wrinkle was cracking. He'd been a printer, and like any journeyman, stopped using gloves after awhile, cuz well, im thinking there's always a time when were all in so deep and we think 'eh, fuck it'. I looked at him and remembered when I worked at the Press-Telegram. I looked at his eyes and saw the printing presses, just as I saw them peering through the glass. In the basement, still there, still oiled. Unused for the last decade or so, the printing had been outsourced. That scene where you peer beyond glass and see some of your own reflection too. He thought I was a nurse because I suggested olive oil in a glove soaked overnight. I always feel like solutions should be kept simple. 

I boarded the bus less than thirty seconds later. Experienced that moment when you watch your fingers rub your bus money together in your hand and then wonder why that experience was put in your afternoon. Coin slot was broken. I could give 2 more quarters to that guy back at the bench? Then quickly thought about what songs I was going to get lost in for this long ride home. Then quickly realized that one side of my headphones had died. Shit. So sucky!

Thirty minutes later, Lonny calls with great wonderful comforting news that he'd had a great interview by a swank West LA boutique hotel. Inside, I celebrate. I look up from from my phone and things are just a little brighter. I still see the cracks in the hands that were just shown to me. 

This man ended up showing me his hands. 

720 3:43 bus, EB

I like things Extremely Loud & Amazingly Close

Just saw this movie, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I tried to read he book, but it was really abstract and not my style, so I put it down after page 100-200 or so. I have a fascination with 9/11. I used my brand new college T1 internet connection to do two things: find good live Shakira performances to download, lyrics to her songs so that I could sing along, and score through tens of dozens of pages of message threads by 9/11 families and friends.  


What's amazing to me is when you try to look at something and feel even a tenth of what people are going through. You think of one of their mornings, and maybe how hard it is to sleep, or go back to work, or even get directions right. You feel only the tenth cuz you don't know how to feel much more and it wasn't your dad or mom in the towers, but it feels so bad. Then the tenth is incredible. How does the heart even feel this? How? How do you act when you get the news and how do you act after ten years? Do you spin in circles or stare for hours or think about nothing and build shrines or pet the dog? I can't imagine loss sometimes. It makes me think how crazy life is, how it's going to be and that I'm only 30 and there will be much more of this.

Blogs are a lot of work. I have like 3 full blogs in my head, ready to go, but I need like a week to get to each of them, and then write them. I have a cute little new desk now, so that's gonna help with production. It's funny how it's all in the accessories. . . But anyways, to relieve the pressure, i am going to work on the art of getting out mini blogs entries, quickie writies, . . . Maybe I will copyright them as BlogBlasts. . . so here goes.

My brothers . . . In food (trucks), they trust.

One love!

Friends are great things.
Here's one of mine, in a tree.

Guess what Lonny and I did late saturday night???

Yes, this is the PG-13 version! Geez you pervs, why did you think of all that other gross stuff first?! Why didn't you initially think that maybe we did something wholesome, like climb a tall mountain or make kombucha from scratch?! Cuz your a dirrrty person, you are! For shame! And this is why you read my blog, hahaha! 


Anyhow, we went to a bass show on Sunset boulevard. It was fanTASTIC! But we thought it was going to end at 4am, but it ended at 2am, and we weren't ready for that! boo. 

Lonny and I walked Sunset, but found it very different than Hollywood boulevard. Empty, way dead. Too posh in some parts for our pleasures.

Also. Casually snuck into an apartment complex and put our feet in the pool. Ooooo, we're so bad!!! But these are the memorable moments, folks. We found ourselves just a few feet from historic Sunset boulevard, the legendary Chateau Marmont, the Comedy Store, and the House of Blues . . . in this 1970s dinky apartment complex with a pool in the middle, glowing, inviting, very still . . . The place was just as dead as the boulevard. I know it was 2:30am, but this is saturday night in West Hollywood. I just thought it was eerie. As if we'd gone back in time. The place did look right out of 1974. I figured they all paid about $1500 a month just for a crappy studio here, just to be on Sunset. 

This is no novella about West Hollywood debauchery and Lindsay Lohan's favorite nightclub hotspots and stumbling back to the car with a pimp cup. That night dancing with Lonny was magic. Both of us know that the other person contains mystery and danger. But. Love is being lost in whatever that other person is about. The best part is that weeks later, the glow from that pool remains. The pool that didn't belong to us, where we dared only to dip our toes.

 I just thought
Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart

But our friends are back
So let’s raise a toast

Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight
Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight

The world is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home

Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can BURN brighter than the sun

So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I’ll carry you home tonight


"We Are Young", Fun

        

I think I burnt this weekend?! Strange. Brown, browning. And browninger, haha! I haven't burnt since, mmm, childhood? Does this mean I'm getting older and things are changing. ugh.

Lonny rented 'Melancholia' by Lars von Trier. Beautiful and well-crafted. Performances are perfect. But just like 'Antichrist', it is not for the light of heart and strangely borders on hard to watch. I wanna punch Kirsten Dunst's character in the face, her depressive episodes are maddening to the core. Why is she given a pricey gorgeous wedding when they haven't even figured out her meds yet? The two films have also made me look at Charlotte Gainsbourg as nothing else but a total hysterical neurotic. I can't imagine her as anything happy, I've never seen her face with any kind of contentment, only furrowed eyebrows attached to a sickly skinny person who I only know from Lars von Trier movies . . . Alas, and even though - good weekend, great and memorable . . . and there is always Haagen Dazs banana split ice cream, panaderia sugared croissant thingies and saturday morning pancakes - now thinner and crispy!


Soooo . . . . here's some cool shit you won't believe . . . my stylish cousin being a magician . . .  http://vimeo.com/40976404

Annnnd, it looks like we've found Cody's worried look . . . Lonny is at a job interview which I think he's going to nail in a big way. I am happy for the kid, but Cody is beyond worried that he will no longer have Lonz to be home, unemployed and merry with. Well, I mean, this is my best interpretation to him constantly looking back at me a lot with this expression and then staring at the door. I've known Cody for a long time - it's either this, or he thinks Lonz is gonna come back with a cat. The possibility of either of those disasters is really irking him right now.

I feel like something is about to end and I think it's going to hurt in my little dog heart.

The dog is not well.

The dog is not well. For the first time... well, this is the first time he's told us. He's 17.5 pounds - he's usually around 20. He's confused and aloof - he's usually completely personable. More present, more genuine than most people I will probably ever encounter.

Vet just called, blood work is fine. Antibiotics have begun their war. If not, deeper testing is out there for us, she says. 

He jumped up unto the bed this morning to get in the middle of us and get petted. That's been missing from our mornings for the last few days. So, good sign. Hoping for more. Hoping and waiting, hoping and waiting. Also, preparing. A little bit. 

I sat and I sat. Sometimes I'd wring my hands. When it's a dog it's difficult to impossible to know. I didn't know. I couldn't know. I didn't even think the vet would know. I didn't think the tests would know. Which of these things is the scariest not knowings? I didn't know. What do you do when you don't know.

Lil Wayne's World

[ugh. I really could not fix how crappy this post looks. sorry.]


I really really love hip hop. Like, LOVE. Almost unconditionally. . . . To me, there isn't that much difference between what this wild little lyricist is saying in this song and how I also feel about my life. That's right! I'm the same as Lil Wayne! hahaha just kidding. Well, maybe. Maybe he wears crocs, loves french fries and medium sized white dogs too. That don't sound too far off. Come on.


Anywho, If your mind is open, you really don't have to look that close to see it.  I've always loved this song. Just found out how good it is read aloud. 

I got ice in my veinsblood in my eyehate in my heartlove in my mindI seen nights full of paindays of the sameyou keep the sunshinesave me the rainI search but never findhurt but never cryi work and forever trybut im cursed so never mineand its worse but better timesseems further and beyondthe top gets higher the more that I climbthe spot gets smaller and I get biggertrying to get in where I fit inno room for a n-gga but soon for a n-gga it be on mutherf-cker causeall this bullsh-t have made me strong, mutherf-cker

So I pick the world up and im a drop it on your f-ckin headyeah, bitch ima pick the World up and I’ma drop it on your f-ckin headyeah, and I can die no rebirth now mutherf-ckerhop up in my spaceship and leave earth motherfuckerI’m gone, mutherf-cker, I’m gone

I know what they dont wanna tell youjust hope your heaven sent and ya hell proofi’ll wake up in the World and cut the lights offand confidence is a stain they cant wipe offuh, my word is my pridebut wisdom is bleak and thats word from the wiseserved to survive, murder and bribeand when it got too heavy i put my burden aside

[Eminem]it hurts but never showits pain youll never knowif only you can see just how lonely and how coldand frostbit i’ve becomemy back’s against the wallwhen push come to shovei just stand up and scream f-ck em allman it feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in,oop its time to raise it thenyour days are numbered like pages and my vocal rhymes got em cookem boythis crooked mind of mine got em all shook and scared to look in my eyes,I stole that f-ckin clock, i took the time and i came up from behindand pretty much snuck up and butt f-cked this game upbetter be careful when you bring my name up f-ck this famethat aint what i came to claim, but the game aint gonna be the sameon the day that i leave itI swear one way or another im gonna make these f-ckin haters believe it ,I swear to God, (?) im a man of my wordso your f-ckin heads better nodim gonna f-ck around in this bitch and roast everybodysleep on me that pillar is where yo head will lie permanetly bitch its betty bye(?)this world is my easter egg getting prepared to die
my head is swollmy confidence is upthis stage is my pedastalim unstoppable the incredible hulkyour trapped in my medicine ballI can run circles around you so fast your f-ckin head will spin dog,Ill split your cabbage and your lettuce and i’ll f-ckin….               

- Lil Wayne, "Drop the World" featuring Eminem

More about being 30. As expected.

How's the birthday week going you ask? I just asked myself this. I started thinking about it and then I remembered that half of the reason I decided to write this blog is so that I could have a place where I'm "forced" to work out my shit. So here goes. Gonna really analyze here. HA!

Found an exciting, new sense of renewal about my life. Just last week, actually. Changed my filter, changed my views - still trying to flush it all out, but hey, 90% is always a good return rate. Found it all through the strong words of friends and my everly optimistic about everything fiance.

Relationships around me moved and shook, boy they did. But they didn't topple and crash off the freakin' table and like my Coffee Bean just did right now. All over the floor, my shoes and the edge of my macbook, in front of everyone. The energy had to go somewhere, I guess. Now I have to tip more, but that's ok.


Also, scored a mostly free day off from work due to a technicality! Also, I'm excited about going to school! Something I thought would never happen. EVER. But this time it's different . . .

Also, just bought some sugar.

Tomorrow should muy mucho funs! I can feel it!